Moving Forward

I've been working on the things I need for my new apartment and how to pack up this one.  I signed the lease for the new place and set up cable/internet also (only $27.99/month!).  I get the keys on the 27th and formally take possession on the 28th.  Then its a matter of moving over what I can until the guys come to help on the 28th of March.

I did go to my first Al-anon meeting.  Walked in and immediately ran into someone I knew.  Funny, God.  Very funny :P.

I separated our DVDs and put mine in some milk crates to take over and found myself crying while I did it.  There are large stretches of time where I am okay and then, with things like the DVDs, it's like ripping a scab off a wound and the hurt is fresh again.  Cortana may actually get to see me cry in therapy this week.

In the midst of all this, God has continued to be very good and very present.  I've been blessed with some really supportive friends and that has been awesome for a still-kinda-introvert like myself.

I did get to speak to the Spousal Unit on Sunday night.  He earned phone privileges and was able to make a ten minute phone call.  I had discussed some ground rules with his therapist on how to verbally maintain my boundaries with him and remind him that the separation is part of his consequences.  I think I managed it.  He verified he's requested to check and see if my insurance will cover a 60-day aftercare facility which I told him was awesome and I fully support.  He then said "But you'll be gone by the time I get back."  I let it slide by and said only yes, then added that my  prayer is still for us to reconcile and that both of us need to be healthier and working our issues for that to happen.  He did seem to be okay with that - at least for the ten minutes we talked.  I'm hoping he heard past the depression and issues he's working with to the fact that I love him and want to stay married to him.

He says he gets to do ten minute calls on Wednesday and Saturday or Sunday, depending, and that the rehab is really working him.  They are heavily scheduled and with therapy every day also.  They had to put him on Valium when he arrived at the detox unit to try and help him but they have since weaned him off it.  The exact phrase the SU used was "I feel like a brand new man".  (My inner voice mentioned that, yes, one might feel better once one stopped drinking two liters of vodka a day).

I'm hoping my insurance will cover the aftercare and that the SU really digs into the issues that "terrify" him and gets down and dirty with himself, that his focus shifts first to "what my life can look like sober" and then to "what my life and marriage can look like sober".  In the meantime, I'm hoping I can keep it together and be the boundary person I need to be for him and figure out a little more what I'm going to look like as I move into this next phase.