12 March 2012

Mind Like a Steel Sieve

Really, I swear that I'm alive...

Things are pretty okay with the Spousal Unit and me most of the time.  The issues we're having concerning his lapse tend to spike at certain times or with certain behaviors.  I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt because (a) he's worth that and (b) I don't want to live in an attitude of mistrust and suspicion for the rest of my marriage.  Doesn't mean that I am not cautious or that I don't search his studio and other hidey-holes, though.  I think the part I hate the most is that I know I have to take his answers as truth to try and extend trust, but yet the immediate (and now ingrained) response is that I *can't* trust him - and I really hate that.  I hate we are back where we started - if not further back - almost two years ago.  It's this weird mental divide between "I want to trust you" and "I can't trust you".  Grace sucks, sometimes.

He's also going back to school this summer/fall which is making him have to look in a lot of places and at a lot of buttons he'd really rather not revisit.  He was the first in his family in a loooong time not to go to college and the first to join the military and the SU took some heat and some disapproval for that, which created an "Eff you, I'll be a self-made man.  I don't have to do things your way" attitude.  He's done very well for himself for a very long time but now it's becoming clear that if he wants to move forward any further, he will have to get some type of piece of paper.  Ergo,  he's applied and I'm guiding him through the application process, testing process, et cetera, and trying to ignore the majority of remarks about how dumb this or that rule is :P.  (Sweetie, if I tell you not to open the sealed transcript?  Just go with it.  If you wanted to see your grades, you should have ordered another one.)

I'm about halfway through *my* classes for the semester and, really, can I be done now?  I spent the weekend assigning ordinal variables to about 500 pages of Excel data and my brain is just FRIED as is my body for that matter.  Even the nonfat hazelnut latte isn't helping :(.  I'm starting to feel sick and I can't afford to do that so I will probably go home and try to sleep for most of the day.  Still, I'm ahead of the game in that I've got my data ready and I've got the majority of my paper at least drafted - lit review, data and methods, and the methodology.  So, go me :).

On the more recreational front, the blanket I am knitting for my oldest granddaughter is almost done.  I'm on the sixth and last skein of yarn.  I went back to the yarn store and got a refresher in adding fringe so I can do that also.  I may need to get someone to remind me how to do the binding to finish off the blanket;however, as I recall, that was a pretty simple process.  I also got a lesson in how to purl and bought some alpaca yarn to work a scarf using knit and purl stitches as a way to reinforce the lesson and practice until I move on to making something bigger using those two stitches.  That will probably be a blanket for my other granddaughter.

Also made some really good food this last week - a roast buttermilk chicken recipe (which I shared with Sara) and a cocoa-rubbed steak with a bacon-whiskey gravy.  The SU really liked the steak :).  I'm also getting a haircut this Friday.  Even though I've already cut off about five inches, I still don't like my hair so I'm looking for something different, something less one-length.

And then it's my oldest daughter's wedding (elopement) on the 24th!

1 comment:

  1. You guys are so busy! I'm sorry you're having the trust issue - sucks for sure. Every marriage has stuff - big and small. We just have to decide what we want to do with it - especially once we've decided that we're in it for the long haul!

    I'm crocheting now (um, sort of), & I bought some alpaca the other day too! I don't know what I'll do with it - I'm just playing around right now mostly making dishrags. Maybe a scarf - it's so soft! I was told that knitting is easier, but I'm afraid to have TWO sharp implements in my uncoordinated hands - I'll put my eye out!

    I need a haircut too but I'm a) too lazy to schedule an appointment; and b) not sure what I want to do. So I'll just let it keep growing for now - come summer I'm sure I'll do something!