Slight freakout ahoy!

I'm thinking I  may just have to call this "The Continuing Travails of Our Graduate School Experience".  That sounds kinda nice and old-timey...or, considering I just read the quoted title again, like I have several personalities just yearning to burst out.

We, uh, I'll never tell...

Got an A on my literature review so yay me :).  I spent yesterday morning working on my part of our first group project and I think I have a decent handle on my portion of it.  I'm part of the Federal Highway Administration and part of a group concocting a memo to our director re: a several-billion-dollar multi-year project.  My part is to highlight the positive way this project can have an effect on our relationships with our lobbyists.  We're all meeting online tomorrow night to discuss/show what we've come up with so far for our separate taskings.  And, of course, someone brought up in class how when you work in groups there is always someone who doesn't pull their weight and blah-blah-blah, it's not fair and how is that going to be dealt with?  I did love my professor's answer - which was essentially welcome to the real world.  Apparently we do get to all grade each other at the end of the course but, hello, not everyone in the work world pulls their weight so...suck it up, buttercup and get on with it.

My research project is approved!  This is good but also scary since this will evolve into my thesis over the next two-three years (depending on how many classes I cram in each semester and if I end up moving or not).  I'm researching gender equity amongst faculty at four-year state universities using salary and promotion as my focus.  Considering my annotated bibliography is due next month, I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time stuck in databases and then at Guillermo's trying to put all this in coherent form.  It's a proven formula from my undergrad days:  laptop + coffee + iPod = completed paper.

So, you know, slight freakout but  more in the "Aaah!  Paper writing!  APA style again!" versus the full and complete Kermit the Frog arm-waving freakout I was having just before classes started.  Improvement! :)

At the tone, please leave a (new) message...

Continuing on over here in my little corner of the world...

Had a wee bit of a financial setback when the Spousal Unit's car blew up.  Say hello to a new head gasket and goodbye to...well, a good chunk of change.  It isn't like we haven't been here before but, still, there was that bit of holding my breath and waiting for the next shoe to drop as had been happening pretty regularly over the past few years.  Sometimes it's a lot more work to remember my brain needs to be more on the "God has provided and will continue to provide" side of things and less on the Chicken Little in the back of my brain yearning to break free and declare DOOOOOOOOOM.

(and while my brain tends to hear "DOOOOOOOOOM!" in a more stentorian, Darth Vader-ian voice, Chicken Little looks more like this:

and that tends to make the Darth Vader voice start sounding like Foghorn Leghorn.  It's a vicious cycle, I tells ya!)

The first semester of grad school is going pretty well from what I can see to date.  I got my first assignments back and received an A- and a B+, which was where the old messages hit the fan.  I can be somewhat hard on myself although I've improved over the years and, while I was bummed they weren't both A's, I was pleased that I'd navigated the assignments well enough to get good grades and I can see where I can improve.

Where I really got smacked in the face was when I talked to my mom.  I try to call her regularly and was just chatting with her about school and told her I'd received my grades.  She asked what they were and I told her.  Her immediate comment was "Well, there is always room for improvement."

Cue me getting smacked upside the head with the Two-by-Four of My Childhood.  In my family, it was always time for comparison shopping and I usually came out on the losing end whether it was me being compared to my brother, to other kids of my parent's friends, about my weight, or...pick anything.  Through much of my life, I have never been good enough.  There has always been something "wrong" with me and my family has been only too happy to tell me what it is - sometimes in excruciating detail.

What's the upshot of all that, er, feedback?  God became a performance-based God.  Love was conditional, based on how close I was able to come to the standard someone else believed I should aspire to.  It took me years to work my way out of that and to understand that God loves me regardless of what grades I get, what my weight is, or how often I mess something up.  I mean, yes, there are rules and I don't get to tiptoe through the daisies while setting off nuclear warheads a la Lyndon Johnson's famous commercial...

But.  But God loves me and sees me as someone of worth to the point He came to Earth and died an excruciating, humiliating death to take away the need for a relationship based on performance, on law while daily running the risk that I (or any of us) could decide, eh, this is too much trouble and just turn our backs.  And, like the prodigal son, if I did turn away and then come back, there wouldn't be any recriminations or lectures.  It wouldn't matter what I'd done.  He would throw a party.

So I sat in my chair after hanging up with my mom and thought about all that and I remembered a friend back from my old church.  It was shortly before we moved and they had prayed for me in the service.  As we were walking back to our seats, she said something (I don't remember what) in a teasing tone and I jokingly responded with "God likes me."  Her response was.  "He likes you a lot."

Yes.  Yes, He does.

Catching Up...

I have been out of the habit of blogging for a few weeks and have missed P365 submissions as well.  It hasn't been anything major - no surprise trips to the ER (because I think the SU has maxed out on those thinking back on the past few years) or anything like that - but daily life seems to just get in the way sometimes.

The SU's car blew up about two weeks ago.  Thanks, Mr. Head Gasket!  We're still waiting on how much it will be to get it fixed.  I, myself, am firmly in favor of ditching that car since they don't even make them in the States anymore but since the loss of the business and the foreclosure of the house, it isn't like we have the additional cash or the credit rating to really go look at any car (new or used).  So we are a one-car family for now and it's not worked out too terribly bad.  I get to work much earlier than I might normally but our departure times are about the same minus the 30 minutes he has to drive from his job to pick me up.  And at least we have a car and can make it work so that's all to the good.

Grad school has started and it's been interesting - and busy!  There is a pretty even division between those of us older-type students and those that just got their undergrad degrees recently and went straight into grad school.  It leaves me feeling very "get off of my lawn!" sometimes, most recently when one of the younger students was telling me that she needed to remember to check her mail to see if her textbook had shown up yet.  Ummm...it's three weeks into the semester and we're supposed to have read the first two chapters by this coming Monday, and you don't even have the book yet??

Why, yes.  I am anal-rententive.  Why do you ask? :)

The instructor was talking about the MPA as a professional degree the first night of the class and brought up the stat that 70% of mid-career, in-service people (such as myself) will drastically change their career during the three years of this program.  I spent the rest of the night thinking about that because, honestly, I have never seen myself as having a "career".  I have always had a job.  In large part, it has been due to my following the SU around; move to a new state and find a job to make up the difference/allow us to do some of the things we want to in addition to paying bills.

To be fair, the SU has also always said that he doesn't mind moving for *my* job should that become a possibility but that has never really been on the radar.  I only had a high school diploma for many, many years and although I spent ten years at one company working my way up from part-time data entry to executive assistant, it was still just a job; something to help ease the monetary pain of living in Southern California.  Even when I quit that job, it was still pretty easy to get a secretarial job 'cause people always need those.

Now that we've moved three times since and I've spent a fair amount of years in defense contracting and higher education, I find myself wondering if I even want a career or what one would look like if I did.  What will I be when I grow up?

Huh.  Stay tuned, I guess :P.

Other than that, the cats are good if piteously crying about being starving and if someone can tell me how a 17 pound cat can starve in the space of eight hours while sitting next to a full cat dish, I'd be forever grateful.  My car runs, we've paid rent for another month and God continues to provide.  Even though He may not give everything I want, I definitely have all I need.

Project 365: Week 33

Sunday

I traded with Alyssa to borrow Seasons 2 and 3 of Chuck since, per the Spousal Unit, the copy I ordered from Amazon "wouldn't arrive fast enough".  We watch 2-3 episodes per night.


Monday

My text for this semester.  I'd forgotten how dense public admin texts can be!


Tuesday

Greaaaaaat.  Thanks, Captain Colitis!  Geez, now I have to be a freakin' Yoga Master.  God did not give me enough vertebrae for this.


Wednesday

Meatballs for banh mi sandwiches.  They've just been seared off on the stovetop and are going into the oven to finish cooking.


Thursday

This week's cat photo.  Yeah, she just likes to hang there like that...


Friday

To quote Homer Simpson:  "D'oh!  It just gets worse and worse!"  One innocent question to the doctor via my husband's appointment results in...this.  However, I can now honestly say I have proved the adage about not being able to find your ass with both hands and a flashlight.


Saturday

The cat again - doing her usual favorite Saturday post-grocery store activity:  cage matches with the Kroger bags.

Project 365: Week 32

I don't have a week's worth of photos this time.  Honestly, I don't even remember what *days* I took some of these!  Mostly my brain has been a blur of (a) trying to get my departments to give me the information I need so I can approve their little darlings for graduation or tell 'em better luck next time, (b) finalize the setup for my own graduate programs, and (c) prepare for my own entry into graduate school on the 18th.  (One of the lesser things this has involved in having to re-do my MMR shots because who knows where my shot records from infancy are.  All I have to say about that is MMR shots HURT.)

I've been so scattered this week that when I went to go grocery shopping this morning, I forgot to buy toilet paper!  And, believe me, when you were already out of toilet paper, that's not the thing you wanna forget!

The extra $ from becoming full-time has helped in at least giving us a bit of breathing room in paying for grad school (even with the employee discount) and also continuing to pay for the insulin resistance meds.  Combined with my regular diet and exercise routine, I've managed to drop 20 pounds in five-six months which makes me a very happy camper.  I don't ever expect to be a size six again but I don't mind my body actually paying attention to what I've been trying to do and showing the effects of it :).

So, now to make myself stop prattling on, here are some pictures:

This is some Spanish chicken I made.  It has tomatoes, onion, zucchini, sherry, paprika and chorizo.  You start it on the stovetop and then let it finish in the oven.

The process of creating the marinade for carne asada.  Many jalapenos, garlic cloves and bunches of cilantro gave their lives so that I might have tasty meat inside a tortilla :).

Yeah, I know.  I don't even...*shakes head*

Gracie getting caught.  She's currently wedged herself behind the TV, speaker and printer.  For some reason, she is absolutely fascinated with the teeny-tiny section of the office wall/floor that's back there.  Normally...eh.  However, we've started hearing suspicious buzzing and shorting-out sounds which leads us to suspect that Al-Kitty's #2 operative has been chewing on things she jolly well shouldn't be.

Project 365: Week 30

I've missed one or two weeks of P365 lately. I think it's just the combination of getting back from Alaska, immediately diving into becoming full-time at work and just trying to get back on track with everything. The full-time has been pretty okay. The paycheck was definitely nice - worked out to more than the SU and I thought it was going to be! Thanks, God! I also got most of my videos up and made them visible on a blog that links to this one so I feel semi-accomplished, methinks. Now if I can just get to the rest of that to-do list I've made myself...

Anyway, here is this week:


Sunday
 
This technically is from Alaska versus this particular week but I just love this picture.  Look at the SU and our granddaughter, Rylie, and tell me there's no genetics going on there :).


Monday 

Made cream scones as part of dinner.  They're very fast to put together and only take about twenty minutes to cook.  They also store and freeze well.


Tuesday

OK.  I have to explain this one.  I was in my office when some faculty from another department came by and wanted to look at some rooms in our building in preparation for some kind of seminar they were holding.  I went to help them out and I noticed that this particular professor seemed to have some, er, issues.  I ended up trying not to walk behind him because I was worried there was going to be a full moon in the middle of the afternoon!


Wednesday

Yay!  New furniture!  I got to get rid of the ugly blue metal desk (you know, the ones that were the height of office furniture fashion in the 1960's and get a nice, new desk and table...and pay someone else to put it together :)).


Thursday

The SU is not enamored of the cats as of late.  Curious Grace peed all over his laptop bag just before we left for Alaska and Munchkin apparently yakked on the couch while I was at work and he was home*.  He keeps calling them "fuzzy terrorists" and "Al-Kitty" now.  I took the pic to remind him that they are still kinda cute.

*I kept getting text updates while he was cleaning the couch.  They consisted of things like "Man, this stuff is one heck of an adhesive when it dries!", "Oh God, there's...hair in it!" and my personal favorite:  "Who knew one cat could have so much...bulk?"


Friday

Our Dean went to Harvard for a conference and brought us all back little handmade chocolate mice.


Saturday

This is me being a dork :).  I had just finished my workout this morning and remembered I needed a picture.  Since the rest of my consisted of (a) the grocery store and (b) staying out of the heat and humidity as much as possible, I figured I'd better grab a picture while I could - please excuse the fuzzy camera phone.  It's also a rare picture of me in glasses since I don't like them and will wear my contacts until they fall out of my eyes.

Even with the spine injury, I still love working out even though I mansweat.  Some people glow.  Some perspire.  I go way beyond that :).  The only bad part is not all my hair is long enough to fit into a ponytail so I get these pieces by my face that get all wet and I keep thinking there is something on me.  It looks something like this:

Me:  *swipes hand at wet thing lying against face*  ACK!  Must be a bug!  ACK!
Brain:  No, that's your hair, Einstein.  *sighs*  I can't take you anywhere, can I?


 




  

Things that make you go "Awwwww..." followed closely by "WTH?"

I got up this morning and went go to workout in the gym.  That was fine.  Very sweaty.  Then I cam ehoome, showered and went to the grocery store.  All well and good.

Came home to find a fire truck parked in front of my unit in the complex.  When I got out of the car and grabbed some groceries, I could see our downstairs neighbors with their three boys and the the boys were getting their pictures taken "driving" the fire truck.  Awwww...cute.

I'd pulled most of the groceries out and gotten them into the apartment (hello, flight of stairs!) and when I came back down for the last load, my neighbors were coming back up the walkway.  I asked them if everything was okay, thinking that maybe they knew some folk in the fire department or something.

Well, no.  Seems that since 10pm last night, their a/c unit had been dripping on their hot water heater and it had been smoking and giving off other rather ominous signs.  They had been calling the complex emergency line since that time and NOBODY ever answered.  They called the fire department this morning because, you know, fire...not so good.  The fire department came and put it out but if our neighbors hadn't been home, our entire unit could have gone up in flames.  The fire department has also been calling the emergency line and NOTHING.  In fact, they're still out there.

Man, I so do not want to be the complex manager when the Fire Marshall finally gets hold of them...

(and thank you, God, that our neighbors were home and our apartment and cats did not end up crispy crittered.)